Avengers: The Sitcom
by 94 Bottles Of Snapple
Summary: No muss, no fuss, just a bunch of superheroes bumbling through life. Highlights will include food fights, the Hulk going on coffee runs, Tony Stark losing at Monopoly, Pepper hosting a cooking show, Loki discovering the internet, Steve learning to text, and no one understanding that Bruce's doctorate is in science, not psychology or medicine.
1. Our Premise is Established

**A/N: Shoutout to Tumblr! I own nothing! I haven't seen IM3, so… If something seems wrong that's probably why. Also. This is a short chapter because it's the prologue, just… So you know.**

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Our Premise is Established

Life was finally back to normal. Sort of. As normal as life could get for a team of superheroes living in a giant tower in the middle of New York City. There were currently no threats, but Stark Tower had become the official home of the Avengers, since Fury wanted to easily keep tabs on the team. Most of them didn't have anywhere else to go anyway.

Having been an only child, Tony was practically bouncing off the walls at the idea of having year-round playmates, and had gleefully assigned rooms based on his personal preferences. Bruce's room was closest at hand, and the largest. Steve was furthest from Tony. Clint and Natasha, who were out on a mission of some sort of importance (allegedly) had a whole floor to share when they returned. As much as he liked their company (sometimes), Tony wanted people with official ties to SHIELD as far away from his personal belongings as possible.

At first Tony had been skeptical about needing any more rooms ready, but when Thor showed up with big blue puppy eyes and his moody brother in tow he was glad he'd had at least one prepared. Loki had been relegated to a guest cot in Thor's room until the team was sufficiently convinced he'd been stripped of his powers. Apparently the Allfather's idea of a punishment was the same no matter which of his sons he was mad at.

While there were no monsters to fight and that was a teeny tiny bit unfortunate, Tony was determined to make every day an adventure. Not that he would even had to do anything most days. With two clueless gods, a soldier who'd missed seventy years' worth of technological invention, a wonderfully sarcastic science buddy, and two crazy assassins living under his roof, Tony would be surrounded by the best kind of chaos imaginable. And he would always have Pepper to hide behind if worst came to worst.

On the first day of his perpetual superhero sleepover party, Tony Stark woke up groggy but excited. Until he stumbled into his kitchen and couldn't find any coffee.

"Pepper…!"


	2. The Mission for Coffee

**A/N: Still own nothing!**

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The Mission for Coffee

Pepper Potts, being one of the few people in the top fifteen floors of Stark Tower to actually do any semblance of regular work, was not in the mood to be awoken by Tony whining about having no coffee.

"JARVIS, tell Tony to shut up…" she groaned, burying her face into her pillow.

After a few moments of blissful silence, there was a response.

"In… Those exact words, Miss Potts?" the AI asked hesitantly.

"If you don't mind," Pepper said, yawning and deciding that putting the pillow over her head might block out sound better. It didn't.

After a muffled conversation between Tony and JARVIS, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Pepper…! Pepper the coffee is gone! Pepper…!"

Clearly JARVIS wasn't enough to deter Tony. With a loud sigh, Pepper Potts rolled out of bed, managed to keep from falling on her face, and opened the door with her best glare.

"Tony."

"Pepper!"

Tony's expression was somewhere between gleeful and horrified. The gleeful part probably had something to do with how well Pepper's anger was offset by her bedhead. He didn't even have the decency to look a little ashamed before donning the puppy-eyed expression generally reserved for convincing Pepper of stupid things.

"Yes, Tony?" she sighed, rubbing her eyes and attempting to adjust her hair.

"Pepper… There's no coffee…" Tony whined.

"Yes. I heard."

"What do I do?"

Pepper took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose, a habit she had most likely picked up from watching the boys in the lab, and Bruce listening to Tony's terrible jokes.

"Why don't you go get some more?"

"But I don't wanna."

Before Pepper could explode from anger, Bruce stumbled in with his glasses perched atop his head so he could rub his eyes.

"What's going on…? I heard yelling…"

Pepper was immediately apologetic. Considering that he appeared to be wearing the same rumpled clothes as the day before, it was a safe bet he had fallen asleep unintentionally. Likely not for very long either. What was it with these annoyingly brilliant men ignoring their personal health?

"Oh, Bruce… I'm sorry, did we wake you?"

He shook his head and smiled sleepily, waving her concern away. However, his carefree mood was probably a little bit unfounded, because all attention was on him, and Tony's face was lit up in a smile that would send wiser scientists running for the hills.

"Bruce! Buddy! You should go get coffee!"

"Uh…" Bruce was understandably lost, considering he didn't actually know that the conversation was supposed to be about coffee in the first place. He was able to shove the surprise away pretty quickly, though. "Are… You coming with me…?"

Tony took a moment to think about it, but then shook his head.

"Nope! I'm counting on you, Big Guy!"

Bruce and Pepper both let out a large sigh.

"Don't listen to him, you don't have to-"

"I can do it. I, uh… I should probably get some sunlight anyway," Bruce said sheepishly, shaking his head and laughing. While normally he wasn't one for going out and about, especially in such a crowded and aggressive city, it had been at least a week since Bruce had gone outside and he felt a little bad about it. And Tony was doing the puppy eyes again.

"Yay! Go Bruce! Don't forget to strut!"

Pepper wrote down a few lines on a slip of paper and handed it to him.

"That's the address of the store and the name of the brand Tony gets. Happy can take you. And you can call us if you need anything, alright?"

The scientist nodded and stuffed the paper in his pocket. He was too tired to go get changed into something cleaner, and it didn't seem like Tony would be willing to wait for that anyway. With a sigh and an unwilling smile, Bruce Banner was off. He headed down to the basement car lot, and was driven pretty much without incident (excepting two crazy cabs and a cyclist) to the store Pepper had specified on the paper.

It looked… Fancy. Too fancy. Of course it did, Tony Stark shopped there. Bruce sighed, ruffled his hair, remembered his glasses were still perched haphazardly on his head, and folded them carefully. They were then stuffed in his shirt pocket.

"Ok, Banner… You can do this. Just buy some coffee and get out," he muttered to himself.

It took a few more seconds before he had the courage to leave the car, but he did at last. While the store was just as intimidating as it had been while he was in the car, it was far scarier for him to be out on the street with all the jostling pedestrians and cyclists, so he hurried inside.

If it was even possible, the interior of the place was far fancier. Bruce could feel his heart rate jump as he surveyed the enormous store. He didn't know where to look. Pepper hadn't said where the coffee was.

Had she?

He pulled the slightly crumpled note from his pocket and spread it flat with sweaty hands. Please please please…

Nope.

Just a brand name. He didn't even know what specific kind to get. Great. Lovely. Just as the panic was getting a little overwhelming, Bruce spotted a sign. And while he would have preferred the sign to say "Coffee This Way", "Customer Service" was going to have to do. He pinched the bridge of his nose and strode over. The counter was manned by a woman with a thick bob of brown hair and a smile that seemed way too happy for how early it was. Her nametag read "Charlotte".

"Good morning!" the young woman greeted him cheerfully. "You look a little lost, what can I help you with?"

Bruce didn't trust himself to speak and simply handed over the paper. After a few seconds of looking it over and scrutinizing the handwriting, she smiled.

"Oh, did Mr. Stark run out of coffee again? Sorry, I'll show you the way, don't worry!"

She abandoned her post without even a glance backward and grabbed his hand. They wove through what felt like hundreds of aisles, and while he had a remarkable memory, Bruce would be the first to admit that he was completely and utterly lost. Finally, they stopped in front of a shelf stretching nearly fifteen feet in the air, filled completely with large bags of coffee beans.

"Let's see, let's see…" Charlotte muttered to herself. "Aha! It'll be just a moment. I'm really sorry for all this, you look so nervous! Are you an intern? Tony always sends people here to get coffee with no clue what they're doing! I'd hate to work for him!"

The tired scientist blinked at Charlotte slowly, unable to get a word in edgewise between her sentences. Luckily for him, it seemed most of them were ones she wasn't expecting an answer to. As she rambled on, the customer service girl slid a tall ladder along the aisle, and then started climbing.

The coffee Tony wanted appeared to be at a rather dizzying height, and Bruce wondered if this was a regular occurrence. His musing had to take an immediate break when the chatter stopped, however. Charlotte appeared to be struggling, trying to hold three large bags in her arms while climbing down, and it was no real surprise when she started to fall. From the height of the shelf, the impact would be nasty. Bruce's heart rate skyrocketed. Instinct took over.

The girl fell with a small "Oof!" into a large green hand. She was then set gently on the ground, and the ladder that had been the vehicle of her fall was unceremoniously torn in two and stomped on. Still holding onto the three bags of coffee, Charlotte blinked up at the massive form of the Hulk, contemplating him. Once he was done putting the ladder in its place, he turned back to her and held out a hand. There was an awkward stillness for a few moments, but then Charlotte shrugged and hefted the bags into the Hulk's big green hand.

"I'll send the bill to Stark Tower. Have a nice day Mr. Hulk!" she said brightly, waving and heading back to her post.

With a snort, the big guy lumbered through the aisles after her until he reached the doors of the building. Thankfully, they were stupidly enormous and he was able to leave without breaking through a wall. Unfortunately, he wouldn't fit back in the car. Not that the Hulk even considered that option. He just jumped from building to building back to Stark Tower, cradling the bags of coffee in one of his hands.

When the Hulk burst through the window of Tony's penthouse, Bruce was able to intone from the back seat of his brain that there would be no end to Tony's whining. Especially since the windows had only just been replaced. The Hulk grumbled and rolled his big eyes, setting the coffee on the ground before slipping back and letting Bruce take the wheel again.

"Hey! You're back! With coffee!" Tony cheered, appearing from the kitchen area. "… And you broke the window again, Big Guy."

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose for what seemed like the millionth time just that morning, using his other hand to try and hold up the tattered remains of his pants.

"Never. Ever. Make me do that again."

Tony smiled.

"No promises!"

By then, Pepper, Steve, Thor, and Loki had popped their heads out of the kitchen and were watching with varying expressions of amusement and resignation. Bruce headed for his room to take a long, hot shower and change. It was only once he was clean and dressed that he realized his glasses were missing. And that he had left them in the pocket of his shirt. Which had ripped off when he'd transformed.

Bruce decided he needed some coffee before he would allow himself to give half a fuck about his glasses.

When he entered the kitchen, it was clear he would probably need more than coffee to make anything about his morning ok. Loki was shouting as he struggled with the wrapper on a set of Poptarts, demanding that they "cease their cowardly hiding", Steve was staring warily at the microwave while it heated up some bacon, Thor's towering stack of pancakes was dripping syrup onto the table, and Tony was still whining about his window.

"I think you need this more than I do."

Bruce blinked as a freshly-brewed mug of coffee was shoved into his hands, courtesy of Pepper.

"Thanks…"

He took a seat at the chaotic table and nursed the hot drink, wondering how living with the other Avengers was somehow a million times more stressful than saving the world. And this was without Clint and Natasha.

Suddenly, the Poptart wrapper gave way, and one of the pastries landed right in Bruce's curly hair. His eyes flashed green. As Loki cursed and went to grab another set from the box in the fridge, Bruce took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Then he continued drinking his coffee, with the Poptart still on his head.


	3. Uncle Clint and Aunt 'Tasha Come Home

**A/N: I do not own anything. If I did, I'd be the one making cameos in Marvel movies instead of Stan Lee. **

**Charlotte from last chapter is one of several store clerks etc. who will show up throughout the story, because let's be honest, it's fun to see the Avengers interact with normal people. So, she's not that important to the story, but I hope you liked her. **

**Aside from Pepper and Tony, I will likely not put any solid pairings in this story. There might be a little bit of Clintasha flirting though. Shhhh…**

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Uncle Clint and Aunt 'Tasha Come Home

It was late in the afternoon when the elevator leading to Tony's penthouse gave a soft ding to announce the arrival of someone new. Since everyone was gathered on the couch, it wasn't entirely clear at first who would be coming up to visit. It didn't even matter, though, because Tony Stark was bored out of his mind, and the elevator gave him a reason to spring up from his inverted position on the couch and rush over to see who it was.

As the door opened, Hawkeye and Black Widow stepped casually into the room, glancing around at the mess. The remains of the Poptart that had landed on Bruce's head was scattered across the floor, the window had a Hulk-shaped hole and was letting in a warm breeze, and everyone was lying on the couch with bored expressions on their faces.

"Hey, guys! Uncle Clint and Aunt 'Tasha are here!" Tony cheered.

Loki grunted and sneered before smacking a snoozing Thor awake with a pillow. Steve stood and calmly went to greet the two SHIELD agents.

"Don't. Call me that," Natasha growled, shooting a glare at Tony. He just smiled in return.

"So, did you bring us a toy back from your trip? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Of course, Tony wasn't expecting an answer, just annoyance. He was pleasantly surprised when Clint pulled out a package and tossed it to him. Tony blinked at the short, wide box, turning it over in his hands and then looking back up at Clint.

"What? Open it," the archer ordered, shrugging.

Like a child on Christmas, Tony tore open the packaging to reveal…

"Thanks Uncle Clint! You're my favorite!" Tony grinned, holding up a game of Monopoly. "Avengers themed Monopoly!"

Pepper had the good sense to leave the room at the word Monopoly. Loki and Thor weren't experienced enough in the horrors of Midgardian board games to know what they were in for. Everyone else was too late to escape, as Tony immediately ordered JARVIS to lock all the doors. Jumping out the broken window was always an option, but even Monopoly sounded better than that. Plus they all kind of wanted to know what their avatars would look like.

"Rule number one: nobody's allowed to choose their own guy!" Tony sang as he opened the box and dumped all the pieces on a nearby table.

"I am confused, what is this… Monopoly?" Thor questioned, crossing his arms over his chest and studying the little pieces.

"It's a game where people compete to get the most money," Steve supplied, feeling rather proud of himself for knowing. "… Fake money," he added when he saw Loki's calculating look. "You choose a little piece and move it around the board, and buy spaces with the fake money."

No one was sure if the Asgardian brothers completely understood or not, but everyone decided that they might as well just start. Tony grabbed the little Hulk piece. Clint was the next to snatch one up, and he grinned cheekily at Natasha as he took the piece that looked like her. She rolled her eyes and grabbed the Captain America one. Steve scratched his cheek, surveying the pieces that were left.

"There's… Only three more of them," he noted. "And four of us left."

"Aunt 'Tasha and Uncle Clint should pair up!" Tony suggested, turning the tiny metal Hulk over in his hand.

Natasha glared, clutching the tiny Captain America tighter in her fist. Clint laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head.

"I'll pair up with someone," Bruce suggested, sighing with an amused smile on his face.

"How about we work together, Dr. Banner?" Steve suggested, picking up the Thor token. There was no way he was going to use the Iron Man one.

With that settled, Loki grabbed the Hawkeye piece, sending a wicked smirk Clint's way. His wordless joke was not appreciated, and it took a light smack from Natasha to keep the archer from putting an arrow through the god's eye. Thor grabbed the tiny Iron Man and looked at it, clueless.

"Ok, put them on the Go space!" Tony ordered, setting his little Hulk there. Everyone else followed suit. Natasha was unanimously elected to be the banker by those who actually understood how Monopoly worked. She doled out the colorful fake money and grabbed the dice.

"We each roll the dice, and the order we play in goes from highest to lowest," she explained, looking at Thor and Loki. Natasha rolled the dice. Ten. Then she passed them to Clint.

In the end, the order was Loki, Tony, Natasha, the Bruce and Steve team, Clint, and finally Thor. And to everyone's shock and awe… Tony Stark was getting his ass handed to him. Considering his life was basically a giant game of Monopoly, it was amusing for all to see him fail miserably, even in comparison to Thor. While Loki had picked up on the rules of the game rather quickly, Thor still needed basics explained to him every time it was his turn.

Of course, everyone's favorite part was making Tony pay them. Steve in particular couldn't help a smug little grin every time Tony landed on one of he and Bruce's spaces. And Loki added insult to injury by building a hotel on the Stark Tower space that had replaced Boardwalk.

"I quite enjoy this Migardian game. Even if it was invented by such a primitive species," he commented as Clint landed on Stark Tower for the fifth time and had to mortgage the Helicarrier in order to grudgingly pay Loki.

However, even Clint wasn't as bad off as Tony was. And Tony's spot in last place was a slight cause for concern considering the frown etched deeper and deeper into his face.

"You know, Tony, I know some breathing exercises that could-"

Bruce was interrupted by Tony flipping the board and storming off to the kitchen to pout and eat his weight in consolation chocolate. Thor blinked at the flipped board, scattered Monopoly money, and overturned pieces.

"I do not understand. Is this traditionally how one ends the game of Monopoly?" he asked.

"Well…" Clint snickered to himself.

"Barton," Natasha scolded, rolling her eyes. "No, it's not. Tony's just being a child."

"I'm not… Wrong, per say," the archer said, shrugging. "Most games of Monopoly I've seen ended like this."

Bruce rubbed his eyes, the strain of trying to read the board's print without his glasses starting to get to him. Steve gave him a concerned look, but was waved away. Loki picked up the metal pieces quietly, studying them, and Natasha nudged Clint into helping her pick up the scattered cash.

"JARVIS, I think maybe you should call Pepper to check on Tony," Bruce suggested, folding the board and placing it in the box along with the other pieces. He noticed briefly that the tiny metal Thor was missing. Loki had kicked it under the couch with a pout, jealous that his brother got a game piece but not himself. As Steve fished the piece out and set it in the box, Bruce glanced between Loki and the Thor piece, trying to ignore the pounding behind his eyes.

After packing up the game, everyone filed into the kitchen. Tony had managed to consume twelve chocolate bars, and Pepper was wrestling a thirteenth from his grip with an exasperated look on her face. Bruce shook his head and smiled.

"Why don't we go down to the lab, Tony?" he suggested.

With a pout, Tony followed him, surprisingly silent, and the two made their way to one of the labs.

At the last minute, before the elevator doors closed, Tony shouted, "Thanks for the present, Uncle Clint! But next time I get to be on a team with Pepper!"

Once he was gone, everyone turned to Pepper.

"Yeah, I'll team up with him next time. If he can find me to play," she smirked. "I'm busy enough playing real-life Monopoly for him already."

With that, everyone realized the likely reason Tony was so abysmal at Monopoly.


	4. JARVIS and the Blu-Ray Debacle

**A/N: Blah blah blah disclaimer blah. This gets a tiny little bit serious, don't cry or anything!**

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JARVIS and the Blu-Ray Debacle

When Tony had suggested a movie night, Steve had immediately gone straight for his leather jacket. After pulling it on, he waited like some sort of overexcited puppy at the elevator doors, and seemed confused when no one followed him.

"What the heck are you doing?" Tony asked, leaning his head back against the couch and quirking an eyebrow.

"W… B-but… You said…"

And now he looked like a _kicked_ puppy.

"Yes, I did. Now sit your ass back on the couch. I need to find the movie," the billionaire instructed. Pepper cleared her throat, and one could practically see the lightbulb go off over Tony's head. "OH. Oh. Yeah, right. You were a Capsicle. Well, with our now-hyper-advanced technology, we can watch movies right here at home. Make sense?"

Steve nodded, shuffling his feet in embarrassment as he moved back to the huge couch and sat down. Bruce smiled sympathetically and gave him a pat on the shoulder. As Tony rifled through what could pass for a bookshelf, Clint tried to sneak out of the elevator and Loki was eyeing the giant hole in the window and wondering if he could use it to escape.

"I'm sorry, Agent Barton," JARVIS stated cordially, the down button on the elevator flashing red a few times, "but Mr. Stark has ordered that I not allow the elevators to be used until the movie is over."

Clint grumbled, kicked the wall, and then sized up the vent.

"Don't even think about it, Robin Hood," Tony said without even looking up.

At last, he seemed to find a movie suitable to their purposes, and he held it up proudly. Bruce squinted to try and get a glimpse of the title as Tony waved the case around. Luckily, he was farsighted, so it was a little easier to make the letters out without his glasses.

"Sherlock Holmes…?" he muttered softly.

Steve smiled, having found yet another modern thing he could hopefully enjoy and understand. A Sherlock Holmes movie didn't sound so bad. Tony popped open the case, ordered everyone onto the huge couch, and turned towards a small rectangular device. Then he pulled out a small, circular disc.

"That's the movie?" Steve wondered aloud.

"What a movie anyway?" Loki grumbled from his spot on the couch between Thor and Natasha.

Tony laughed.

"You poor uncultured little godlet," he grinned. "JARVIS, while I set up the movie and the surround sound, why don't you give our guests a brief explanation on the historical developments of movies?"

After a short silence, there was the sound of a throat clearing and JARVIS began. Thor appeared enraptured, and Steve watched with interest when Jarvis pulled up a visual evolution from VHS to DVD to Blu-Ray. He'd missed them all so far and it was a damn shame. After all, watching movies in one's home would have been incredibly convenient and saved him a lot of bruises in his pre-super-soldier-serum form.

By the time JARVIS had finished his explanation, Tony was tapping his foot and waving his hand impatiently. Pepper was rolling her eyes at his impatience and had several tubs of popcorn and snacks to pass out to the group on the couch. Steve smiled and munched quietly on the popcorn, sharing the tub with Clint and Natasha. Bruce decided to forgo popcorn and took a small box of Junior Mints with a little smile. Thor didn't even have to be told about the wonders of popcorn before he dug in greedily. Loki looked nauseated, but no one cared. Tony managed to snag a tub of popcorn for he and Pepper to share. At last, he pulled up the menu on the big screen, and Pepper sighed as she saw the title screen. Tony laughed at that and plopped down onto the couch next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"He uh… Kind of looks like you, Tony…" Bruce said softly, looking puzzled.

"Well, if you were going to base an exciting version of Sherlock Holmes on anyone…" Tony smirked and clicked a button, starting the movie.

What was most shocking about the movie was not the special effects, not the main actor's uncanny resemblance to Tony, not even the plot. It was how absolutely silent Thor and Loki were throughout the movie (well, except for Thor's munching and crunching as he shoveled handfuls of popcorn into his large mouth). They were so engaged, so enraptured, that Tony had a hard time not smiling. The two were considered gods, and one of them had attempted to destroy Earth, but they were still just as captivated by an exciting movie as any five-year-old. Feeling a fond grin rather than a smirk twisting his lips up, Tony buried his face in Pepper's soft red hair. No one was allowed to see his nice smiles but Pepper. Smirks only for the guys.

Meanwhile, Steve was smiling as Agents Barton and Romanoff tried so hard not to brush hands as they grabbed popcorn from the tub they were sharing with Steve. While he was seventy years out of touch with American culture, even he could spot a budding romance a mile away. If he'd known about it, his mind might have flashed to a certain scene from the Lady and the Tramp. Sadly, he'd already been iced by the time it came out, so he didn't really have something to compare the moment to. Didn't stop him from smiling, even as he wondered idly how Sherlock Holmes could contain so many explosions.

Bruce was enjoying his candy, but he still missed having his glasses to fiddle with idly. It was becoming a bit of a pain to go without them, and it would be even worse if he actually had some work to do. He vowed to have someone go get them for him the next day. Preferably Tony. Definitely Tony.

At last, the movie was over, and as the credits rolled everyone stood up to stretch. As Pepper made to pick up the garbage from their movie snacks, she was pulled away by Tony. Steve waved her off with a smile, stacking the empty popcorn buckets, and she stopped struggling in her boyfriend's hold.

"Thank you, Steve," she managed to say just before being tossed over Tony's shoulder.

Loki had to brush popcorn kernels off of himself from Thor's messy eating, and he looked none too happy about it, not that anyone could blame him for that. Soon, however, everyone had gone off to bed. Well… Almost everyone.

Loki gave an evil little smile as he approached Tony's bookshelf of Blu-Ray discs.

"Whatever you're doing, I wouldn't recommend it, Mr. Laufeyson."

Loki jumped, and then glared at the ceiling. Then he turned back to the bookshelf and began rifling through the Blu-Ray cases. JARVIS stayed silent until Loki finally pulled one out, examining the case in detail. Then he opened it and tried to pop out the disc inside. After several attempts, his temper was rising, and he'd just raised the case above his head to smash it on the ground when…

"Stop."

Loki twitched and froze. He glared again at the ceiling, not really sure where to look to properly express his annoyance at JARVIS.

"It won't come out of its case!" the god grumbled, pouting.

JARVIS spoke again with a bit of a chuckle.

"Shall I call someone to help you, Mr. Laufeyson?" Loki grumbled and sat on the couch with a huff, and JARVIS seemed to take that as a no. "Well, then may I suggest that you press the circle in the middle of the disc to remove it from the case?"

After a few seconds of angry pondering, Loki did just that, and the Blu-Ray disc popped out easily. The Norse god reddened in embarrassment. Then, a slot on what Tony had called the "Blu-Ray Player" opened up. Loki placed the disc inside cautiously and muttered a thank you that was hopefully too soft for the AI to pick up.

Once everything was loaded, Loki had no idea what to do. He hadn't been able to see what buttons Stark had pushed on the little rectangle that controlled the movies. Luckily for him, JARVIS seemed to know what to do and started the movie for him. It was a different kind of movie than the one they had watched previously. Instead of realistic images, the movie was filled with moving drawings, which depicted a human who grew up amidst a group of "gorillas" (whatever those were; they looked kind of like furry humans).

And while he thought that such moving drawings were childish and ridiculous, he couldn't help the sniffles and the cold little tears dripping down his face. So it was normal… To feel like an outcast, to feel different in an adopted family. That's how he really felt, even though he kept muttering under his breath that it wasn't the same at all.

When Thor came out for his 2AM snack, he found Loki watching the closing credits and still crying. Poor JARVIS had no way to prepare for the onslaught of attack. Realizing that the movie was the cause for his brother's emotional state, Thor raised his mighty hammer Mjolnir and smashed the Blu-Ray player to bits. Several alarms went off and Tony soon stumbled into the room wearing a robe and groaning. Loki was wiping his face clean hurriedly and looking at Thor like he was the biggest idiot on all of Midgard.

That was the last time either of the Asgardians was allowed to operate machinery without human supervision.


	5. The Wonderful World of Science

**A/N: Finally saw IM3. I was not disappointed (except by the lack of Bruce Banner). However, I may in fact be the only person who finds nerdy '99 Aldrich more attractive and less creepy than extreme makeover Aldrich. Which is unfortunate, as far as IM3 fanfics go. I want more dorky Aldrich Killian!**

**Rants aside for now, I do not own the Avengers or any of the characters you recognize etc etc etc. If I did, everything would be Science Bros and nothing would hurt.**

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The Wonderful World of Science

Despite his "My Blu-Ray Player was just smashed" wake-up call, Tony still managed to be up and knocking excitedly on the door to Bruce's room by seven thirty. Needless to say, Bruce didn't appreciate it, even if he was used to not getting enough sleep.

"C'mon, Big Guy! I know you're in there! Get up! It's time to do science!"

Bruce groaned and reached for an alarm to slam off, but was woefully disappointed to find that no, that wasn't an alarm clock with Tony's voice programmed into it, it was the actual Tony Stark standing outside his room and banging on the door. Bruce sighed. And then he fell out of bed.

The thud of hitting the (thankfully carpeted) floor woke him from his groggy stupor, and Bruce straightened his shirt for a second before opening the door.

"Bruce!" Tony greeted him cheerfully, throwing his arms out for a hug which was accepted, albeit with some hesitation. "C'mon! Science Time! To the labs!"

Bruce waited several seconds for Tony to calm down. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Tony. I can't work in the labs right now. I don't have my glasses," he pointed out, attempting to stay calm.

This dose of reality only elicited a pout. As Tony slouched towards the kitchen for some breakfast, Bruce took a deep breath, pinched his nose again, and followed after. If only for the French toast he could smell someone cooking.

Turned out it was Steve, who was more comfortable with stoves than microwaves, and also happened to be wearing one of Pepper's aprons. This attire garnered him a teasing slap on the ass from Tony, much to everyone's chagrin. This left the poor captain beet red as he dished up breakfast for everyone, and Pepper's scolding did nothing to abate the amused grin on Tony's face. It did earn her a seat on his lap though. A few minutes later, Clint walked in with his nose in the air, making a beeline for an unclaimed plate of French toast and the syrup bottle. On his way, he slapped a pile of mail onto the table. Tony was too busy stuffing his face, so Pepper flipped through it. At the bottom of the pile was a rather lumpy envelope from their usual department store.

Curiously, she opened it. Inside was a bill for coffee, a small note, and Bruce's glasses. Pepper pulled out the bill and set it with the rest of the mail, then handed the envelope to Bruce. At first he gave her a funny look, but after accepting it, he smiled. Glasses, back at last. He immediately unfolded them and perched them gently on his nose so he could read the note.

_You forgot these when you went green. :) Thought I should return them. Come by anytime! – Charlotte_

"Huh," Bruce muttered to himself, mulling the short note over.

He was too distracted to keep the note from Tony when he got curious and snatched it.

"Hey! She even put a smiley face!" the billionaire said through a mouthful of French toast. "She likes you!"

Bruce sighed. Today was going to be a record-breaking day for bridge-of-the-nose pinching. He knew it. Steve gave him a pat on the shoulder. He was all too aware how badly things went when Tony blew things out of proportion in order to try and set up his single teammates with dates. Luckily, while he had trouble with most social interaction, Bruce Banner knew how his brother in science worked.

"Didn't you want to go down to the labs today?" he asked, diverting Tony's attention from women to his other great love.

Pepper found herself displaced from Tony's lap as he jumped up excitedly and grabbed Bruce's hand.

"Now you have your glasses, so no excuses! Science bro time!"

They were in the elevator before anyone could blink, leaving a stunned post-tornado aftermath behind them in the kitchen. A disheveled Pepper was sitting on the floor with one of her calves on the chair Tony had been sitting on. Clint was staring at the closed elevator doors with half a piece of French toast hanging out of his mouth and syrup on his nose. Natasha, who had walked up to the table with a protein shake in hand was frozen with one eyebrow quirked upwards. Steve was staring down at the plate of French toast he had dropped with a horrified look on his face.

But Tony Stark didn't give a second of thought to the chaos he had left in his wake. Instead, he was babbling excitedly to Bruce about designing cell phones that would get service in Asgard. Considering that no one in Asgard could use a phone, Bruce wasn't sure why it was important to make a cell that could function there, but he didn't bother to voice that. He needed Tony in the best mood possible if he was going to get his suggestion for a project to pass veto.

So the two of them tinkered with a set of phones for the next three hours, and when they had set them aside, Bruce decided it was time. Pulling his glasses from his face and fiddling with them, he began.

"Tony? I was thinking…"

"Heaven forbid you do that! You might invent something!" Tony said teasingly, jabbing Bruce in the side with a pen.

"I'm not done."

"Yes, well, you have permission to speak Dr. Banner. Continue."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but smiled.

"I noticed when we were playing Monopoly-"

"WE DO NOT SPEAK OF MONOPOLY, BRUCE."

And back to the bridge-of-the-nose pinching. Once Tony had sufficiently calmed down, Bruce spoke again.

"I just noticed that Loki looked a little… Upset that he didn't have a game piece too. And I know he's a total nutjob who tried to kill us all, but… I thought… We could make him one," the physicist finished lamely.

Tony's expression immediately shifted into a pout. It stayed that way for the next twelve and a half minutes while Bruce tried to convince him to go along with the idea. Finally, he was won over by the concession that they could put the funny helmet on Loki's piece, and that he could be the one to craft it.

"Dummy! Get the pewter! JARVIS, we need to make a mold, get us some of SHIELD's footage!"

Bruce smiled to himself, helping set up the materials they would need. Once Tony was into an idea, he was gung ho and nothing could stop him. Yes, he jumped around from thing to thing quite often, but a short project like making Loki a Monopoly figurine of his own would be quickly and enthusiastically completed. Tony's talent for sketching definitely didn't hurt. Bruce himself was abysmal at it, so he was glad he had his "science bro" to rely on.

They had just completed their work when JARVIS informed them that dinner was prepared. With a shared smile and a fistbump initiated by Tony, the two wrapped up their little project and headed for the elevator. However, the intended recipient of their gift was nowhere to be found. The two shrugged at each other and sat down to eat, set the present to the side, and dug in.

By the time dinner was over, Loki still hadn't appeared. Thor loaded a plate high with food for his brother, but the self-proclaimed science bros intercepted him. Tony snagged the plate while Bruce held their present carefully.

"It's fine, Point Break, we got this!" Tony called over his shoulder, leading the way to Loki's room. Of course, after five minutes of knocking, Tony got annoyed. "JARVIS, open the door, will you?"

The door slid open, and they found Loki lounging on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't sit up as the two scientists walked in. Tony set the plate on the bedside table and smirked.

"Hey. Reindeer Games, we brought you a present!"

Loki sat up on his elbows and looked at the two of them oddly. Then he spotted the wrapped gift in Bruce's hands. His suspicion abated a little bit, considering who was holding the so-called gift. But since Stark was still in the room, he wasn't entirely in the clear.

"What is it?" he asked blandly.

"Open it up and find out," Bruce replied with a little smile, holding out the package.

Loki grabbed it with a frown and ripped it open. When the tiny metal figurine fell into his pale hand, he couldn't do anything but stare at it. It was him. A little metal piece, just like all the others had sitting in the Monopoly box. Loki looked up in confusion at the two men standing before him, clearing his throat.

"We… Thought you might like a piece too," Tony explained almost sheepishly, unable to take the wide-eyed gaze he was getting from the normally-vicious Norse god.

Loki had to fight the little smile that threatened to spread across his face, and he redirected his eyes back to the tiny metal Loki in his hand. There was no way he was gonna say thank you, not to those stupid Midgardians. He blinked rapidly a few times (that was just dust), and set the game piece on his bedside table. He then dug into the plate of food they had brought him, ignoring Bruce and Tony as completely as he could.

Tony shook his head, smirked, and clapped Bruce on the shoulder. The science bros walked out of the room and shared another conspiratorial fistbump. Job well done.

Once the door to his room was safely closed, Loki set down his utensils and looked over at the tiny metal figurine. He picked it up and turned it over, studying each detail. The craftsmanship was superb, but the game piece didn't mean anything.

It wasn't as if he were getting choked up.


End file.
